So this is what it feels like....I've been wondering when it was going to hit me

It has been brought to my attention several times today how much I am going to miss my family.

I was sitting with my brother....when out of nowhere tears started to sprout out of my eyelids. I covered it up and walked away for a second. The only thing I could think to do was blog.

I had a really good day today. It was with the people I love the most on this Earth. There is nothing in this or any other lifetime I wouldn't do for them. Without them I would never have gotten through losing my mom. I can count on them for understanding, love, and most of all....the ability to bring humor to any situation.

I could rattle off all the things I am going to miss about them. I could rattle off the countless other things I won't miss about them.

I'm obviously not going to do that. I am going to say that I will miss them every day. Absolutely every day I breathe while I am away from them I will miss the absolute crap out of them.

I feel so happy to have a family like the one I have. I feel so grateful to have them. I'm so excited to "leave the nest". They are so supportive and it's going so smoothly...I know it is time. I just feel so damn sad and it just decided to hit me after a wonderful day out with my family.

I think I have been okay because I know they are going to be in Ireland two weeks after I get to England. We have had this Ireland trip planned for awhile now and I just always look to that. I don't even want to know what my emotions will be like after Dublin. I don't even want to know....because just thinking about it gives me anxiety and brings me to tears.

Tonight I realized that this week coming up will be a lot of goodbyes. I'm selling my truck Monday. Every time I look at it I almost cry. I love that truck. Lots of fun times. I have a good bye party tomorrow where I say good bye to my extended family. That's going to be cry fest 2012. Every week I meet up with the ladies and we hang out. I have to say good bye there too. I have to say good bye to my best friend of 25 years at the airport (because she insists). Good bye, good bye, good bye....to everything.

I know it's not forever. I know I will see everyone again. I know by moving to another country my eyes will be opened. I'll love having a place of my own and I will love being there. I just fucking hate change. It's apparent in the fact that I have pretty much done a variation or something similar of the same thing for the last 12 years. I got sick of people asking me what was new and I had nothing new to say. I found myself repeating "same shit, different day" over and over and over again. I knew this day was coming. I wanted this day to come. I've thought about this day. Wondered what it would be like and now it is here....

You are actually leaving. You are moving. In a week I will be sitting around a fire in the back yard with the people I love. It will be my last night living in my house. I'm totally tripping. 

You know, five years ago, this couldn't come soon enough. I was so frustrated because I couldn't get us moving and out of the house. Now I'm barreling towards it like a bullet train. Just slow down please. Just a little. I want 7 really long days. Really good long days with friends and family. I don't want to write this blog, post it, and then blink and have me standing in LAX.

Yes...that is how fast my life has been going lately.