Go with peace and love....

Last Thursday I learned that my Pa George was not doing well and that he wouldn't be with us much longer.

He was in the hospital and had a surgery. I guess he was doing bad, then good, then bad. He wasn't expected to live more than 24 hours on Thursday.

I do horribly with death. I went over there to see him. He was pretty out of it. More people started showing up and I had to get back to work. I meant to go by the next day. I didn't. Saturday I didn't go by. Sunday I didn't go by. Monday I didn't go by. Today I was driving down the road to make a delivery and I told myself...it's probably a good time to go by. After my delivery I pulled in.

I pull up and my Uncle Matt was looking somber. Gramma Pat had tears in her eyes. I walked in literally just after it had happened. I just had a gut feeling to go over there, unannounced, just show up. I get these gut feelings here and there and I always know its my mom telling me to do stuff.

I feel grateful that I had a gut feeling to go over there. I was able to have a second alone with him. I was able to wish him peace. Thank him for being my grandpa. I was also able to tell him to say hi to my mom for me. All while he was still warm. I told him I loved him.

I remember having a really good time with my grandparents at the Huntington Beach house while I was little. That is where my memory resides when I think of my grandparents. I also remember going to stay up with them with my sister in Modesto. We had a good time up there together. I remember him cooking outside. He loved to use lots of garlic. I am more than certain that is where I got it from when I add garlic to everything. When I got into the family business, I found, that as an adult, I seemed to butt heads with George a lot. Some how, being little and not knowing much about adult hood tends to make better memories. I'm not going to spout off what we disagreed on...or why I might not have spent more time with him as an adult...

What good does that do? It doesn't matter now. He was my grandpa. Didn't agree on everything but regardless of that I know we both still loved each other.

I will miss him calling the shop saying "Hi there, Lea(er)." He always put an r instead of an a sound.

I don't know how to feel right now. I'm sad for the loss. Mostly sad for the people who spent the most time with him. Especially his daughter Cathy. That was the hardest part was watching her walk in the room.

I struggle with being truly sad by this loss. He is not suffering any longer. He is at peace. He has no pain. He's with my mom. He just got to figure out what life really was all about. Thank you for the lessons I have learned because of you. Thank you for being my grandpa. Bless you Pa George, rest in total peace, you were and are loved.