Let's discuss this for a few seconds...

Obviously this struck a chord with me.

I am Lea and I am in my comfort zone and I have been for about 11 years. 29 if you want to be exact.

We moved to my house when I was 3ish. I remember leaving our old house and being excited to see the new house. The only thing I can clearly remember from that day was being in the back of my mom's blue pick up truck. I looked out the window and saw a big tree. I was excited to be there and can remember it clearly.

Much has changed about that house since I've moved in. But it always feels and smells the same walking into it.  I feel happy to have some place that was built for me and my family with lots of love and hard work. It's warm. It has a bed. I am blessed.

There have been many times since I was 18 that I thought I wanted to move out. I thought I wanted to have my own place with a room mate...or wanted to get an apartment for just a bit here with Alex. It never seemed right. Home always seemed right and of course economical.

I am now currently trolling real estate in England trying to figure out where my next home is. Anxiety? A bit...yes....how did you guess?

I have been working since I was 11. Not like sweat shop working. But I have been making my own money since I was 11 years old. I started baby sitting. In the 8th grade I was able to make at least $700 bucks towards a trip to Hawaii with the Girl Scout troop I was in.

At 15 I got a job at the swap meet. Every weekend I would get up early and go to work and sell automotive accessories. I got cash every week and it was awesome.

I started working at Target when I was almost 17. I worked there for a year and did pretty much any job a 17 year old could do. They wanted me to be in charge of a department or something or they wanted to give me extra responsibility that I didn't want so I figured it was time to go.

It was at around 18 years old when I started working for Star West and have never stopped. I'm not going to bore you with what I have gone through with this company. I lost my mom 7 years ago and she was running it. That should give you a little clue in how hard still working here is. Now I run it. But...on the flip side...I know it like the back of my hand and I am comfortable with it. I am very good at my job and of course could always do a bit better.

I am now signed up to get notified for jobs that become available in England. When I move I won't have a job. It will be the first time in 18 years that I am not making any money and will be unemployed. Anxiety? A lot....how did you guess?

This is something I struggle with every day. The anxiety of leaving my comfort zone. I'm excited...but more nervous than anything. I know it is coming faster than I realize. I've always been confident in  myself but right now I feel very very uncomfortable. I feel like the jobs that come into my inbox that are available...are jobs that I wouldn't be able to do. It's been so long since I have had to interview for a job. I've never had to make a resume. What if I never get a job? What if they think I'm over qualified? Under qualified? What if they think my degree isn't good enough? What if? What if? WHAT IF?????

I know some how it will all work out. I know, some how, that even though I have kind of a plan...its not set in stone. That's been a struggle the last 4 years. I have a plan and it goes completely the wrong way and I get mad at the world about it. I've learned that a direction is better than a plan and I feel I am heading in the right direction. I just need to remind myself constantly to not freak out. I will head in the direction I want and let the adventure of life take me where ever it takes me. I have a  husband who loves me a hell of a lot. I have a supportive family unit over there. I have a supportive family unit here. No matter what happens I know I have that. Again...I am blessed.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Chi Chi Chi Chilly Chi-Town!

I suppose this blog could be a day to day and hour to hour account of what I did. I suppose I could tell you all the touristy things I saw. I suppose...if you are reading this...you have already checked out facebook and saw the insane amount of status reports I made. Picture overload I'd say...but hey...that's the beauty of facebook. I stream live 24/7 hahah. I don't need to bore you with all the details because I already did. I'll give you some summaries but I will bore you with the details of the bachelor party though but only because it has a point...LOL.

When I got to baggage claim...Kevin sneaks up behind me and starts talking. I immediately gave him the biggest hug. Then I looked at his face. It's not that he looks "old" its just that he looks older. More grown up. A little bit more peace in his face. He knows what he wants and loves what he has. If you ask me...Kevin looks great!

After we picked up Brian, settled into the hotel, ate some lunch...it was time to start getting ready for the bachelor party. I was ready before Farmey so I walked down the hall because all the boys were in the room pre gaming. I hadn't seen Ivan since my mom's memorial which was almost 7 years ago. He hasn't changed at all. Maybe he's a bit more buff and has a few wrinkles around his eyes...hahaha

He tried to offer me a swig of his Sam Adams champagne beer. I tasted it...gross. Ivan seems to like it. We all headed down to the hotel bar and pre gamed some more. Once that was over we headed out into the cold (take your first breath away cold!!!) to walk a few blocks to the Brazilian BBQ. Note to all the ladies out there: walking in heels in the snow SUCKS. Seriously...the guys were hauling ass and I was just worried about mine falling on to the concrete.

After dinner it was LIMO time. We got into the limo and Ivan wants to go to the bar where Maddie and he had first met. Since I'm not completely a dude of course I let out an "awwwwww!". What a cute thing to do Ivan Brown...except the bar is CLOSED. We go across the street to the other bar...nobody is in there. We are beginning to think that nobody is out anywhere (Kevin was straight up tripping because he was worried it wasn't going to be a good night). We have a couple of rounds there and make our way to a pub.

The pub had a little more people in it (I'm sure those quiet drinkers were thrilled we showed up!). Billy bought Irish Car Bombs and that was the beginning of the end for Ivan. Alex was NOT going to drink one of those so Ivan got two. Next thing we know Ivan starts bumbling around...the bartender was asking me if any of the drinks I ordered were for him because she sure as hell wasn't going to serve him. I promised her I only gave him water. He spews....comes back....we sit around....then...he gets up and I glance over and just before he makes it to the bathroom door he lets out a mini explosion. Good going Brewski!

So there I was with Billy cleaning up chunks of Brazilian BBQ off the floor...and we get word that we are heading out. Yep. Kevin...it was a success. Ivan was done!

So we get back to the hotel and we tuck Ivan into bed. Ivan has this dumbass look on his face as every one is fussing over him. I got shoe patrol. I tried to take his shoe off with out undoing the laces because I figured it would be faster. He of course notices this and his drunk ass tries to tell me to loosen the laces. I just looked at him (probably how I've looked at him every time that kid has annoyed me) and told him to "shut up dude...I GOT IT!". It made me feel like I was in high school for a split second.

Brian stayed behind to tend to the drunk and the rest of us wanted to get more drinks...we obviously had paced ourselves. So we walk out of the hotel and go down the street to a bar. THAT PLACE WAS BUMPING. The last bar we go to and its the fullest...oh...the irony.

9ish AM the next day: *telephone rings* "Hey you up?" "NO!" "You want to go to breakfast with us?" "Are you guys all up and ready now?" "Yes" "NO" "hahah ok."

The boys get back from breakfast and knock on my door. All I remember is feeling like a bread truck hit me. I wasn't hung over. Just insanely tired. I didn't nap at all on Thursday and only got 3 hours of sleep...I did a 4 hour flight to Chicago...and kept on going all the way until past 2 am. I'm not 21 any more...my body hated me. LOL. They gave me an hour to get ready.

We took a cab to Millenium Park to see the bean. Did the photo ops and all the good stuff. Then we walked to the Field Museum. Yes...we walked a thousand miles. Every one was numb in places they didn't know they could be numb in. We walked around The Field Museum for a bit then left to head towards Sears (I guess its Willis now) Tower. Another thousand miles later and we were at Giordanos. It was fun to sit down...wait for a pie...and watch the men be boys some more. I'm convinced that they will never out grow the boy and I love that about them. If it wasn't Ivan sticking cheese up his nose...it was Ivan eating popcorn with a knife and fork. Actually....maybe Ivan never grows up....LOL.

We all had to make our way back to the hotel. I stayed in for the night with my honey. We zoned out. Watched T.V. and found some place to eat. I got mad shit for missing the hockey game. But I didn't care. Bed is where I wanted to be. (Again with the old lady schiz!)

Saturday we had breakfast. Went to the Navy Pier and went up the bajillion floors to the top of the Sears Tower. They have those clear boxes  hanging off the side. The boys were all about it. They just walked right in there and took pictures...sat there....didn't seem to phase them that you could see the whole damn Earth below you! I couldn't step on it. It freaked me out way too much. So the first round of pictures I'm freaking out and just putting my hands on the glass. I finally sat on it and scooted out to Alex so we could take a picture together. I had no idea I would be THAT freaked out.

Kevin had to go to the rehersal dinner. We just stayed back and were lazy for a bit. Once he was done we went back to the bar that was bumping Bachelor party night. Had a few drinks then went to sleep.

Sunday! What a gorgeous day. Seriously. The sun came out a bit. There was snow every where. The church was beautiful. The bride is seriously one of the most GORGEOUS brides I've ever seen. Kevin and Ivan looked so handsome. Brian and Alex looked snazzy. I had on pearls and a brand new dress. There wasn't a person in that church that wasn't looking sharp.

After the ceremony I got the nicest hug from Ivans mom. She didn't recognize me at first. That hug felt like the kind of hug my mom would give to me. I've always loved that lady. I missed her.

PARTY TIME. Ok....this wedding is probably the best wedding I have ever been to. The country club was absolutely gorgeous. Wine was flowing. Appetizers a plenty. Every one was so happy. It was seriously an amazing celebration. I cried at Maddie's dad's speech. It was such a sweet moment between the two of them. I thankfully didn't cry at Kevin's speech. I thought I would but I didn't. When Ivan and Maddie danced...you couldn't help but see two people absolutely perfect for each other. He loves her so much and you can see it every time he looks at her. She looks at him the same way. It's magic to see two people like that.

After dinner (which was really good by the way) the dancing went off the hook. Man...every one was cutting a rug. It was awesome. The DJ played a ton of great songs. The whole day was just pure awesome. I loved seeing faces I hadn't seen in a long time.

What I learned from my visit to Chicago:

*I've always been considered a dude to those two boys (now men) up there. It felt good to know that after everything and how long we have all been apart...that it will ALWAYS feel the same. We were able to pick right back up from the last time we were all together and have a great time. Being called a dude was an ultimate compliment for me. I like not being fully a chick.

*I am glad I didn't go to my high schoool reunion. All the people I wanted to see were in Chicago and we partied it up. I'm glad I used the hundred bucks it was supposed to cost me to go to a reunion here...I used it there...and then some. It was awesome and wouldn't have changed it for the world.

*I learned that no matter how much Alex bitches he will ultimately have a good time and understand why I make him do the things that I make him do. I like putting a bit of a travel bug in my husband.

* I learned what truly cold was like. I mean. It was truly cold. I came back here and the new phrase is "It's cold...but it's not Chicago cold."

You can drive on the other side but you can't zip a zipper up on the other side?

My husband is super English. I mean...super English. He does not...by any means want to do anything that is "American". I started to notice this when I would go to give a high five. He always left me hanging.

One of the first times I cooked for him....garlic was something unheard of. I mean...I know he liked garlic sausage pizzas at home but when I was cooking he looked at me and went...."you're going to put that much garlic in?" I PUT GARLIC IN EVERY THING. He of course ate it....and loved it. They definitely have garlic all over the world but none of his dinners ever included it. He would eat meat and veg and potatoes every night covered in gravy. When Farmey is used to something...he's used to it. He now eats garlic mashed potatoes and other things filled with garlic.

Cheesecake. You are on acid if you don't like cheesecake right? He refused to eat cheesecake.  He wouldn't even try it! He is not a huge fan of the cheese. In his mind...he would rather have ANY thing besides a cake made of cheese. He will eat cheese on a burger...cheese on a pizza....but that's pretty much where he draws the line. Well, one night we are at our Chinese food place and they didn't have Thai Tea. The server felt bad so she decided to bring us a free dessert. There was a chocolate cheesecake square and a plain cheesecake square. Alex is allergic to chocolate so I scored the chocolate one. Alex picks up the plain one and pops it in his mouth. I didn't tell him it was a cheesecake square until he said mmmmm. I wasn't going to warn him. It was the perfect opportunity to get him to try it.

Gym shorts. For the longest time I could not buy him any new pairs of shorts. The reason....ALL THE SHORTS HAD POCKETS. The gym shorts he had from England didn't have pockets and that's what he wanted...shorts exactly like the ones he bought in England. For most people, like me, this would be a bonus. Who doesn't love pockets? He refused and refused and refused. I told him...they are all going to have effing pockets. Finally...one day....he caved. He bought the shorts with pockets and now he loves having pockets to stash all his shit. I love that he has pockets too. That means I'm not carrying around his inhaler any more.

Zippers....this is the new quirk I found out. Apparently the zippers in England are different for womens and mens. I guess all the zippers here are on the girls side instead of the boys side and Al doesn't like that. He will see hoodie (or a jumper if your English and reading this) and thinks he likes it...until he tries it on....until he goes to zip it up...then he hangs the thing back up. This has been the case on more than a few instances. The last instance was in Old Navy. I can't wrap my head around it. He tells me it would REALLY bother him to zip it up on that side. I can't see the difference in just zipping from the other side AT ALL. He tells me, "Well if you've grown up with something your whole life..." I proceeded to tell him that he drives on the other side of the road here...why can't he zip up a zipper on the other side? He dropped every thing he knew to be with me and to move here...how is that little bitty zipper on the wrong side a problem?

It's things like this that make him Alex. I love every inch of him....even when I think his cheese has completely slid off his cracker.

Happy New Year! It's gonna be a big one!

Ok...let's talk about reasons why 2012 is BIG.

*A reunion of epic proportions is about to happen. Once upon a time I was in high school and I had my two bestest boys anybody could ever ask for. Well...its time to go watch one of them get hitched in Chicago. I am invited to the Bachelor Party. First and probably last one I will ever attend. When asked why I was coming...Ivan simply said...why is she NOT coming? She could drink us all under the table. Yes...I have a bit of dude in me and I'm entirely sure they had a big hand in me being not completely a girly girl and in my ability to drink them "under the table". It's in 10 days and I CAN'T WAIT!

*I am 8 months away from moving to England. I have never been away from my house for more than 3 weeks in 26 years. If you don't think this is a BIG change for me...well...you would be on acid. ;o) I am getting more anxious about it every day. This blog will be full of things that I get anxious, excited, nervous about...so stay tuned!

*I am 10 months and 25 days away from 30. I'm so close to being 3 decades old that I can taste it. My birthday also happens to fall on a Saturday. If you don't think I'm going all out and getting sloshed in a pub in England...well....you are sorely mistaken! ;o)

That's three pretty big things...I'm sure I have surprises in store as well...with every new year...I've learned that every year is full of surprises. Just like Forrest Gump says....its a box of chocolates. And you know how I love chocolates.

On to the resolutions:

*I am going to take better care of myself. I imagine that in about a year and a half or so I will be trying to get pregnant. So...I need to make a baby making vessel. :o)

*I am going to own Star West. And by own I mean make it my bitch. Last year I believe I had major resentment for Star West. A.) Because it stressed the shit out of me. B.) Been here way too long for something that was supposed to just be college job. But now with the end in sight...I want nothing more than to show it who's the boss...and to end on a very good note. (Even though I think I will always have a hand in Star West even after I have gone.)

*Save boat loads of money. I mean...truck loads.

*I need to not feel anxious about the move. Every now and then I scream inside and say NOOOOO! I can't leave. I feel sometimes like I can't breathe. Like I'm not going to accomplish everything I need to in order to move. Sometimes I wonder if I think I have this thing on lock and something will happen and the plans will be foiled again. I'm gonna miss my bed...and my puppy...and my family...and my friends. This is never going to help me move thinking like that and I need to focus on the good things that are going to come out of this move. A happier husband. A happier me. A baby. A house. A dog of my own. A new bed. My own couch that I get to pick out myself. A kitchen that is ALL mine with nobody else to mess it up but me. New friends. Spending time with my nieces and my sister and my brothers and my pops and my mama. New job. A different job. A job that challenges me to do something different. The years have flown by because I've been in a groove. I want to be thrown out of my comfort level. I want to stand up next to my husband on our own two feet and take the world head on. Living like I have been living isn't going to cut it anymore. Its comfortable and cushy and safe...I need this to not be the case.

*To blog...consistently. The reason why its important this year is because over the break from work...I read my moms journal from when she was young. She was so good about keeping it going. I want to have something where I can vent...or just blab about what's going on...I also want to keep a record of the stuff I did to move to England. I also want to keep my feelings some place where my kids could look back and check it out. This is going to be an interesting year...I can't wait to blog about it. ALL OF IT!